1 bulls, 3 cows.
%
$3,000,000.
%
40 isn't old.  If you're a tree.
%
	A crow perched himself on a telephone wire.  He was going to make a
long-distance caw.
%
A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine!
	[From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]
		-- Medieval prayer
%
A pickup with three guys in it pulls into the lumber yard.  One of the men
gets out and goes into the office.
	"I need some four-by-two's," he says.
	"You must mean two-by-four's" replies the clerk.
	The man scratches his head.  "Wait a minute," he says, "I'll go
check."
	Back, after an animated conversation with the other occupants of the
truck, he reassures the clerk, that, yes, in fact, two-by-fours would be
acceptable.
	"OK," says the clerk, writing it down, "how long you want 'em?"
	The guy gets the blank look again.  "Uh... I guess I better go
check," he says.
	He goes back out to the truck, and there's another animated
conversation.  The guy comes back into the office.  "A long time," he says,
"we're building a house".
%
A prediction is worth twenty explanations.
		-- K. Brecher
%
	A reverend wanted to telephone another reverend.  He told the operator,
"This is a parson to parson call."
%
A squeegee by any other name wouldn't sound as funny.
%
A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
replaces it with.
		-- Tennessee Williams
%
	A young girl, Carmen Cohen, was called by her last name by her father,
and her first name by her mother.  By the time she was ten, didn't know if she
was Carmen or Cohen.
%
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
		-- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
%
Adults die young.
%
African violet:		Such worth is rare
Apple blossom:		Preference
Bachelor's button:	Celibacy
Bay leaf:		I change but in death
Camelia:		Reflected loveliness
Chrysanthemum, red:	I love
Chrysanthemum, white:	Truth
Chrysanthemum, other:	Slighted love
Clover:			Be mine
Crocus:			Abuse not
Daffodil:		Innocence
Forget-me-not:		True love
Fuchsia:		Fast
Gardenia:		Secret, untold love
Honeysuckle:		Bonds of love
Ivy:			Friendship, fidelity, marriage
Jasmine:		Amiablity, transports of joy, sensuality
Leaves (dead):		Melancholy
Lilac:			Youthful innocence
Lilly:			Purity, sweetness
Lilly of the valley:	Return of happiness
Magnolia:		Dignity, perseverance
	* An upside-down blossom reverses the meaning.
%
Age is a tyrant who forbids, at the penalty of life, all the pleasures of youth.
%
Agree with them now, it will save so much time.
%
Ah, the Tsar's bazaar's bizarre beaux-arts!
%
All phone calls are obscene.
		-- Karen Elizabeth Gordon
%
All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.
		-- Grant Wood
%
Am I ranting?  I hope so.  My ranting gets raves.
%
AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
	If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
	across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
%
AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
	There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
	would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
%
An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
		-- Isaac Asimov
%
... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
%
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
%
Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to
exactly the point of most pressure.
		-- Milt Barber
%
Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
%
As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
%
Avec!
%
BAD CRAZINESS, MAN!!!
%
Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the
floor -- especially in the dark.
%
Batteries not included.
%
BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts...)
%
BE ALOOF!  (There has been a recent population explosion of lerts.)
%
Before I knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone.
%
Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin
when you get what you want.
%
Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.
		-- Honore de Balzac
%
Biggest security gap -- an open mouth.
%
Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
%
Blame Saint Andreas -- it's all his fault.
%
Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
%
Blue paint today.
		[Funny to Jack Slingwine, Guy Harris and Hal Pierson.  Ed.]
%
Boy!  Eucalyptus!
%
Boy, that crayon sure did hurt!
%
	"But Huey, you PROMISED!"
	"Tell 'em I lied."
%
But like the Good Book says... There's BIGGER DEALS to come!
%
By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.
		-- Charles Spurgeon
%
CF&C stole it, fair and square.
		-- Tim Hahn
%
	Chapter VIII

Due to the convergence of forces beyond his comprehension, Salvatore
Quanucci was suddenly squirted out of the universe like a watermelon
seed, and never heard from again.
%
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
%
Congratulations are in order for Tom Reid.

He says he just found out he is the winner of the 2021 Psychic of the
Year award.
%
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
%
"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches!"
		-- Mom
%
Depart in pieces, i.e., split.
%
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
%
Did I say 2?  I lied.
%
Did it ever occur to you that fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Or that we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
%
Did you hear about the model who sat on a broken bottle and cut a nice figure?
%
Did you know ...

That no-one ever reads these things?
%
"Die?  I should say not, dear fellow.  No Barrymore would allow such a
conventional thing to happen to him."
		-- John Barrymore's dying words
%
Dignity is like a flag.  It flaps in a storm.
		-- Roy Mengot
%
Dime is money.
%
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
%
Do people know you have freckles everywhere?
%
	"Do you believe in intuition?"
	"No, but I have a strange feeling that someday I will."
%
Do YOU have redeeming social value?
%
Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?
%
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
		-- Anthony
%
Don't guess -- check your security regulations.
%
Don't I know you?
%
Don't let your status become too quo!
%
Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key.
%
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
%
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac; you can always take something for it.
%
Double!
%
Dr. Jekyll had something to Hyde.
%
Dr. Livingstone?
Dr. Livingstone I. Presume?
%
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
%
Dreams are free, but there's a small charge for alterations.
%
Drop that pickle!
%
Duckies are fun!
%
Ducks?  What ducks??
%
"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."
		-- Jeff Berner
%
Editing is a rewording activity.
%
Eggheads unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
		-- Adlai Stevenson
%
Events are not affected, they develop.
		-- Sri Aurobindo
%
Ever wonder why fire engines are red?

Because newspapers are read too.
Two and Two is four.
Four and four is eight.
Eight and four is twelve.
There are twelve inches in a ruler.
Queen Mary was a ruler.
Queen Mary was a ship.
Ships sail the sea.
There are fishes in the sea.
Fishes have fins.
The Finns fought the Russians.
Russians are red.
Fire engines are always rush'n.
Therefore fire engines are red.
%
Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
%
Every day it's the same thing -- variety.  I want something different.
%
Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
%
Every time you manage to close the door on Reality, it comes in through the
window.
%
Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
		-- Beckett
%
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
%
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
%
Everything might be different in the present if only one thing had
been different in the past.
%
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
%
Everything should be built top-down, except this time.
%
Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.
		-- Erwin Tomash
%
Everything you know is wrong!
%
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
		-- Aldous Huxley
%
Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.
		-- Sven Italla
%
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
%
Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture
on a rock.
		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%
Flame on!
		-- Johnny Storm
%
Fly me away to the bright side of the moon ...
%
For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
%
For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.
		-- Titus Lucretius Carus
%
Force it!!!
If it breaks, well, it wasn't working anyway...
No, don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
%
FORCE YOURSELF TO RELAX!
%
Forest fires cause Smokey Bears.
%
From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back.
That is the point that must be reached.
		-- F. Kafka
%
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
		-- H. H. Williams
%
General notions are generally wrong.
		-- Lady M. W. Montagu
%
Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
%
GIVE UP!!!!
%
Given my druthers, I'd druther not.
%
Gloffing is a state of mine.
%
Go 'way!  You're bothering me!
%
Go away, I'm all right.
		-- H. G. Wells' last words.
%
Go climb a gravity well!
%
Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...
		-- Wally Shawn
%
God is Dead.
		-- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead.
		-- God
Nietzsche is God.
		-- Dead
%
God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
%
God isn't dead.  He just doesn't want to get involved.
%
God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
%
God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.
		-- Samuel Butler
%
God, I ask for patience -- and I want it right now!
%
Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
%
Half Moon tonight.  (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
%
Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.
%
Happy feast of the pig!
%
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.
		-- Daniel Dennett
%
Have at you!
%
Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.
		-- Albert Einstein
%
	"Have you lived here all your life?"
	"Oh, twice that long."
%
Have you locked your file cabinet?
%
Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a
crack in your sidewalk?
%
"He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions."
%
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
%
Hedonist for hire... no job too easy!
%
Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
%
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy and repetition.
%
HELP!  MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!
		-- E. E. CUMMINGS
%
Here there be tygers.
%
"His eyes were cold.  As cold as the bitter winter snow that was falling
outside.  Yes, cold and therefore difficult to chew..."
%
Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
%
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
%
Housework can kill you if done right.
		-- Erma Bombeck
%
How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
%
How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
%
How come we never talk anymore?
%
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
%
How kind of you to be willing to live someone's life for them.
%
How much of their influence on you is a result of your influence on them?
%
How untasteful can you get?
%
Huh?
%
I always wake up at the crack of ice.
		-- Joe E. Lewis
%
I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
%
I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
%
I can relate to that.
%
I can resist anything but temptation.
%
I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.
%
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
%
I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."
		-- Ronald Mabbitt
%
I don't understand you anymore.
%
I don't wish to appear overly inquisitive, but are you still alive?
%
I enjoy the time that we spend together.
%
I exist, therefore I am paid.
%
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
%
I feel sorry for your brain... all alone in that great big head...
%
"I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words."
%
I hate quotations.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%
I hate trolls.  Maybe I could metamorph it into something else -- like a
ravenous, two-headed, fire-breathing dragon.
		-- Willow
%
I have a terrible headache,  I was putting on toilet water and the lid fell.
%
I have become me without my consent.
%
I have more hit points than you can possibly imagine.
%
I have seen the Great Pretender and he is not what he seems.
%
I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
%
I hear the sound that the machines make, and feel my heart break, just
for a moment.
%
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
%
I know it all.  I just can't remember it all at once.
%
I know you think you thought you knew what you thought I said,
but I'm not sure you understood what you thought I meant.
%
I know you're in search of yourself, I just haven't seen you anywhere.
%
I live the way I type; fast, with a lot of mistakes.
%
I love treason but hate a traitor.
		-- Gaius Julius Caesar
%
I never did it that way before.
%
"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"
		-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
%
	[I plan] to see, hear, touch, and destroy everything in my path,
including beets, rutabagas, and most random vegetables, but excluding yams,
as I am absolutely terrified of yams...
	Actually, I think my fear of yams began in my early youth, when many
of my young comrades pelted me with same for singing songs of far-off lands
and deep blue seas in a language closely resembling that of the common sow.
My psychosis was further impressed into my soul as I reached adolescence,
when, while skipping through a field of yams, light-heartedly tossing flowers
into the stratosphere, a great yam-picking machine tore through the fields,
pursuing me to the edge of the great plantation, where I escaped by diving
into a great ditch filled with a mixture of water and pig manure, which may
explain my tendency to scream, "Here come the Martians!  Hide the eggs!" every
time I have pork.  But I digress.  The fact remains that I cannot rationally
deal with yams, and pigs are terrible conversationalists.
%
I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
%
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
%
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
%
I smell a wumpus.
%
I thought YOU silenced the guard!
%
I understand why you're confused.  You're thinking too much.
		-- Carole Wallach.
%
I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
%
I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
%
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
%
I want to reach your mind -- where is it currently located?
%
I will always love the false image I had of you.
%
I will make you shorter by the head.
		-- Elizabeth I
%
I will never lie to you.
%
I will not forget you.
%
I wouldn't be so paranoid if you weren't all out to get me!!
%
I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.
		-- John Denver

[I saw an eagle fly once.  Fortunately, I had my eagle fly swatter handy.  Ed.]
%
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
%
I'm glad I was not born before tea.
		-- Sidney Smith (1771-1845)
%
I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.
		-- John Foreman
%
I'm not offering myself as an example; every life evolves by its own laws.
%
I'm not proud.
%
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert!
%
I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
%
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
%
I've Been Moved!
%
I've been there.
%
I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
%
Identify your visitor.
%
"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."
		-- Paul White
%
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
%
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
%
If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
%
If God is One, what is bad?
		-- Charles Manson
%
If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!
		-- Samuel Goldwyn
%
If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
%
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
%
If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
%
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
%
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
%
If life is merely a joke, the question still remains: for whose amusement?
%
If life isn't what you wanted, have you asked for anything else?
%
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
%
If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?
		-- Robert Moses
%
If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something
to do with a shortage of flowers.
		-- Doug Larson

	[Not to mention, butterfly would be flutterby. Ed.]
%
If the future isn't what it used to be, does that mean that the past
is subject to change in times to come?
%
If the grass is greener on other side of fence, consider what may be
fertilizing it.
%
If the meanings of "true" and "false" were switched, then this sentence
would not be false.
%
If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances
are 50-50 it will.
%
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
		-- Art Hoppe
%
If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
%
If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an
oncoming train.
		-- Robert Lowell
%
If you are going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance.
%
If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
%
If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.
		-- John Galsworthy
%
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
%
If you knew what to say next, would you say it?
%
If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.
		-- Petersen Nesbit
%
If you stick your head in the sand, one thing is for sure, you're gonna
get your rear kicked.
%
If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
%
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
		-- Jules de Gaultier
%
Imagine what we can imagine!
		-- Arthur Rubinstein
%
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
%
Immanuel Kant but Kubla Khan.
%